Feeling Bitchy

This quarantine feels eternal. I succumbed for two days to feeling crotchety and bitchy, angry at the world: my wooly socks that resisted my efforts to yank them onto my feet; the pull up tab on a tin can of tomatoes that refused pulling up. (Hubby’s comment: what will you do when I’m not around); the soup that boiled over in its pan (because I forgot to turn off the flame); my inability to stop snacking; the misguided who don’t respect the quarantine. I won’t go on.

Then, suddenly, I had a great day, reminding me that nothing is forever. What made it great? The shining sun, inviting the fall leaves to show off their golden and ruby colors; a morning email informing me that online magazine Literary Traveler accepted an article I’d submitted (yes!); Radio Beethoven playing Rossini’s overture to the opera Masmetto II, and ALL music, for that matter, now that our only classical music station is back on the air after a lapse of several months, just in time for quarantine. I think ahead to the joy of attending a live concert in the future.

It’s important these days to have things to look forward to. I’ll be relieved to visit the dentist. I’ve had a loose molar since the beginning of quarantine and I’m tired of months of chewing my food on one side of my mouth.

Rain is announced for the next couple of days. I pray that the weather app knows its stuff. How I long to hear the swish of a heavy rain. All the growing things in my garden and the surrounding dull brown hills would give thanks as well.

 How satisfying and comforting the books I’ve read in this time of solitude, (more satisfying than snack food), the last two written by Sue Monk Kidd. Now I’m reading The Last Wilderness by Neil Ansell, who describes his solitary walks through the Scottish Highlands. Anything to put me in a Scottish frame of mind as I sit in front of my computer waiting for inspiration on my novel. I wanted to play some Scottish music but the CD player wouldn’t cooperate. I’ll have to try YouTube

            I’ll enjoy preparing for our book club meeting in 10 days, via zoom. I will be the moderator as I suggested this month’s book The Invention of Nature. Alexander Von Humboldt’s New World by Andrea Wulf. What an extraordinary, brilliant man Von Humboldt and so unknown. This fascinating book is a must for all nature lovers. I had my son bring me a copy from the States because I wanted to be able to underline and place the volume on my bookshelf among the keepers.

            In this time of contemplation many turn to nature for spiritual sustenance. How fortunate are those who live in the countryside or at the coast, in less developed places. Our city garden is small but I can look out my back window and rest my eyes on the feathery branches of the California redwood tree I brought to Chile as a seedling thirty years ago. It is my forest.

Scotsmen on My Mind

Two-week Coronavirus lockdown again. The entire city of Santiago. If I’m not allowed out, I determine to make good use of my free time (when not cooking, sweeping, ordering groceries on line). So this is the perfect time to pour myself into my writing. Right? My historical novel based on the life of a Scottish great-aunt. It’s actually more research than writing. The research takes me there. As I study the family tree on my computer screen, long dead family members come alive. The past few days I’ve been reading about early 19^th century Gibraltar, where my grandmother spent time as a governess for a naval captain’s children. I have a few photographs she took while there which give me inspiration and give flight to my imagination – two small boys in sailor suits, the family with my grandmother,  officers in dress uniform, aa Royal Navy steamship.

What better way to get into a Scottish frame of mind than to immerse myself in the world of the Outlander series? Jamie Fraser is my kind of Scotsman: blue-eyes, red hair, powerful physique and winning accent. Exposed to my Outlander marathon, I just may slip into speaking like a true Scotswoman! After all, it’s in my DNA.

So I deal with quarantine retreating into an imaginary world. Aye, I’ve sighed over Jamie Fraser’s brawny good looks, but it’s difficult to imagine myself with someone that young. By the last episode, I’d changed my loyalties for that tough, gray-bearded rakish Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser. Enamored, I check him out on Google. Damn. He’s twenty years younger than I.     

Well, I did marry a Gordon, a Spanish-speaking Chilean, twice removed from Scotland. The only thing Scottish about him is his last name. When I met him, he looked more like Pancho Villa, moustache and all, than Jamie or Murtagh.

Succulents, Weeds and Other Wild Critters

A few days ago I bought myself a Mother’s Day present on-line. A cardboard box of twelve tiny succulent seedlings, along with a spray bottle. On a trip to the drier north months ago I’d gathered cuttings of a variety of succulents and cacti. Though I managed to get them to root in sand, they all dried up after I transplanted them in especially researched and prepared soil. I blame our extremely hot summer and global warming, though you’d think they would have been happy in that climate. I lost several plants this past summer. My two potted tomato plants were not happy campers either. One, after producing a few tomatoes, shriveled and bit the dust. The other one decided to yield one tomato and two promising-looking blooms.

    In the time of quarantine on-line shopping has blossomed. I bought the succulent seedling kit for my two daughters-in-law as well. 

        Yesterday our youngest granddaughter, Mila, celebrated her first birthday. We bought her a set of musical instruments and an animal puzzle (with animal sounds when she places the right piece), all made out of wood.  Mila came with her mom and dad and opened her presents in our front yard, all of us wearing masks, except Mila. No hugs allowed.

        This morning the doorbell rang, which is unusual these days. A big wooden box was delivered. At first sight I thought it was a box of fruit of the season. Apples? Pears? But no. Lined with a large sheet of brown paper, the box held our breakfast: a bag of assorted fresh breads, jars of honey, cream cheese and Nutella, yoghurts, two tea bags, a jar of juice and a little nosegay. Breakfast in a box. What a delight to receive such an unexpected gift! With malls closed, creativity blooms.

        In Coronavirus times, with many options denied, I’m challenged to come up with alternatives for using my time. Cooking is not my favorite pastime, but I feel pleased with myself when I come up with original ideas for using left-overs. I’m a gardener of sorts, but our garden is looking sad now in fall and I can’t go out to buy some bright flowers. I’ll check if I can buy plants online. I’ve been entertaining myself feeding the three birds that consider our tiny garden theirs: a robin and two rufous-collared sparrows. I’m trying to train the robin to come when I whistle. He’s been coming closer to me, but is still very wary. And to think that in San Francisco California, coyotes are romping around as if they owned the place.

        How I miss contact with the natural world. I read about a new hobby in England that combines botany with city streets and sidewalks called botanical chalking. I love the idea! If you identify a weed growing in the cracks, write its name next to it with chalk. The first challenge is to learn to identify the weeds (got plenty in our patch of grass in the back yard)! But this must be in a public space, the idea being to promote an appreciation for those lowly beings we call weeds.

    An interesting, worthwhile project to fill those pandemic hours.

Bird Watching in Times of Quarentine

Flashy red cardinals, speckled woodpeckers, metallic blue-black starlings, multi-hued blue jays, dainty chickadees, red-winged blackbirds  flashing their colors, swooping into the feeders, competing for the abundant seeds and nuts, sending warning calls or perhaps calling a mate. A feisty dove defends its territory, until a plump squirrel arrives,  helping itself to the tasty seeds. So much activity, live, right before our eyes in our TV room. The Cornell Lab Feeder Watch entertains my hubby and I, avid bird watchers, more than any Netflix series. Just imagine, we’ve been under quarantine for a month with no access to the outdoors except our small garden and then we discover the Feeder Watch bringing the outdoors – a pond with Canadian geese, newly-budding trees, birdsong – onto the wide screen before us. The burden of quarantine feels lighter, hope glimmers on our horizon.

    Total lockdown in our neighborhood was lifted two days ago, so today we plan to take a drive! We feel it’s safe to leave our city confines to delight in the natural world first hand. Not far, just up into the foothills of the Andes. We’ll take our masks and maybe get out of the car to inhale the mountain air. Simple pleasures.

    We head up the narrow curving road through the Mapocho River canyon. The majestic Andes rise tower before us with tiny patches of snow on their peaks. It feels so liberating to be here out of the city away from concrete, glass and metal. Yet, hubby voices what I’ve been thinking, “Look how dry everything is.” The hills around us are a dull grayish brown, their sparce vegetation a drab olive green, and, most disturbing, multiple skeletal dry trees standing in sad testimony of more than a decade of drought.

     I say to my husband, “Let’s stop up there a ways where we get a closer view of the river.” River is too grand a word for the trickle of water. I get out of the car and walk towards the bushes that line the riverbank, stepping through roadside garbage to reach a place where I can hear the gurgling of the water over rocks.  I want to don a pair of gloves, tote a large bag and rid this roadside of its human detritus.

    This foray out into “nature” reminds me of the degree to which the Earth is suffering from our neglect and abuse. I wonder if the idyllic scenes on the Feeder Watch Cam will only be accessible to us in the not so distant future on a television or computer screen.

Love in the Times of Coronavirus

In these times of lockdowns, curfews and social distancing, how adaptable we’re proving to be. Our writing group meets as usual on Thursday mornings, via the Zoom application. 

    Zoom also allows me to exercise three times a week with my Pilates group and our Cuban professor, Alberto. Little by little, I’m creating a home schedule to inject a level of normalcy into my life. On the non-Pilates days, I do exercises on my own. I signed up for a writing course for times of “Uncertainty.” I write. I read voraciously, while my husband cycles furiously upstairs on his stationary bike.

            Though my husband is semi-retired, we usually do not spend much time together during the day, each with our own activities. Now we have fallen into a routine, quite different from when our daily cleaning lady was coming. We make the bed together. I cook, he sets the table and washes the dishes. Yesterday, before he showered, I handed him a squirt bottle of bathroom cleaner and a rag and asked him to clean the shower when he finished. After I finished vacuuming and complained that my back ached, he said he could do that next time. Words I never thought I’d hear! He’s getting a sense of what it takes to keep up a house. We have a ritual these days of watching a Netflix series called “Trapped” set in Iceland. The landscape – white and many shades of grey – lurks, looms (it’s a murder mystery), fascinates and amazes with its unusual beauty.

Another ritual, now more than ever, is watching the news together. The latest news flash was a welcome distraction to us, both animal lovers. Yesterday at 5:30 a.m. a wild puma visited the empty city streets of several neighborhoods, most likely having wandered from the foothills. He looked young (big paws) and disoriented. Animal experts from the zoo were able to sedate him and transport him to the zoo, where, we were glad to hear, he was declared to be in good health and soon to be released back into the wild. Amazingly, another puma was sighted today in another residential neighborhood!

 Now I fantasize a futuristic scene (not too far into the future), the city in total lockdown being visited by an assortment of wild animals: guanacos, foxes, more pumas, condors, ferrets, living in harmony with the human inhabitants. If only we could learn how to tread this earth softly. Are we willing to change our ways? 

The March of all Marches

“March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb.” So goes the saying. Here in the Southern Hemisphere, March brings the final days of summer and soon the first days of fall. March signals the massive return of vacationers to Santiago, massive traffic jams and the start of the school year. It’s the same every year. Well, almost.

       This March the atmosphere is charged with anxiety. Multiple protests and marches are scheduled, which sadly means the continuation of violence and vandalism in the streets which began last October. I agree with what most of the protesters are demanding: improved pensions and greater access to health and educational opportunities. I abhor the vandalism that has sprung alongside these protests – looting, setting fire to museums and churches, destroying property in general. Downtown looks like a war zone, windows boarded up, walls covered with graffiti (“Kill the cops, down with the president, no more tolls”)

        Affected businesses have let employees go, resulting in hundreds of unemployed. Particularly worrying is the lack of respect for authority. In spite of pushing through reforms, the government has been unable to maintain public order in cities throughout the country.

            These worries are compounded by a severe lack of water, due to a 12 –year-long drought. The central valley of Chile, where Santiago is situated, is brown and parched. Farmers are suffering; animals are dying. This has been the hottest summer that I can remember.

            Is there a silver lining to be found in these dark clouds? Some. More bike lanes are being added to major thoroughfares and increasing numbers of Chileans resort to bikes and scooters to get about. New bright red electric rental bikes, owned by Uber, stand clustered at street corners. Most of the metro stations destroyed by protesting masked vandals have been repaired in a period of months. Delicious summer fruits - peaches, melons, grapes - still abound.

            The political situation in the States also has me on edge. I follow the news on CNN daily, hoping for some positive news, something to feel hopeful about. But the November elections are many months away. My hope beyond hope is that the President gets his marching orders.

What to do with all this waiting?  I think of the robin couple that frequents our backyard. Last month their two fledglings were mangled by a neighborhood feral cat, who generously left them on our doormat. A few days later the two robins began building a new nest in our avocado tree. Yesterday I noticed a gawky adolescent robin practicing flight patterns. So what to do when the world feels dark? Do as the robins did: try again.

Will I join the massive march planned for March 8th, International Women’s Day? I don’t like crowds, and my marching days are over. I think. I did go out to march with American women on the streets of Santiago just two years ago to protest the newly-elected U.S. president. I hope, if I do go to the streets again, it will be in celebration – for my two countries.

Taking on the Challenge

Can I write fiction? An historical novel to be precise. Why not give it a try, I say to myself. It will be a great challenge, but I need a writing project to work on. I’ve read countless novels over the decades, but does that qualify me?

I want to build a story around a great-aunt who lived a rather unconventional life for the times. I only knew her when she was an elderly woman. Now I’ve become a sleuth, piecing together bits and pieces from her past: photographs, mementos, diplomas, possessions and remembered conversations.

She and her two sisters, my grandmother and another aunt, were born and raised in Scotland and immigrated to the States in 1910. Internet has greatly facilitated exploring family history. As I access Scotland’s census documents with birth and death dates, cause of death and addresses, the family members have taken on life for me. Now I know my mother was named after a Scottish aunt and my grandmother’s younger sister who died at the age of eleven. I’ve had to make deductions, like their reasons for immigrating, probably due to the fact that both their parents were deceased at an early age and few prospects were available in their small town.

The research fascinates me. I discovered photos of the ship on which they traveled. I’m currently reading “A History of Everyday Life in Scotland, 1800 to 1900”. Gradually, with more and more details, I begin to imagine family members, breathing life into them. My greatest challenge is creating interesting complex characters that feel as real to the reader as they do to me.

My grandmother, Molly, her two sisters and brother