Yesterday,
a warm spring day, I watched four consecutive episodes of “The Big Bang Theory.”
I needed to laugh. Eight months of social distancing plus the past month
house-bound recovering from hip replacement surgery require special
self-permission to use my time in whatever ways lifts my spirits.
I’ve
had time to reflect. Too much time. Negative thoughts and regrets have been in
surplus. Yet, as I begin to feel better physically, positive sparks have begun
to surface. Words like grace, patience and gratitude.
Gratitude.
I
make a list. At the top of the list is Carola, our part time maid who now is my
patient, angelic caregiver. Always a smile, never complaining. She’s just a
couple years younger than I, and yet is able to do the housekeeping that my
body resists. My appreciation (and my husband’s, as well) had already grown by
leaps and bounds during the four months of quarantine that kept her from coming.
My
family. Sons, daughters-in-law, grandchildren, sisters-in-law. How I miss the
grandchildren’s visits and their hugs. I want to touch their skin. Facetime and
videos are poor substitutes.
Friends.
Those that go way back to childhood. Friendships that had lapsed over the
years, now renewed. We find plenty to talk about: books, health, our gardens,
politics.
My garden. I spend hours sitting there and observing. Robins have built a nest in the bougainvillea and continue, even after a week, to line their nest with lush grass and clumps of soil. A royal robin nest. I watch the flowers taking turns unfolding in these warming days: the snowball bush blooms are fading; the tiny yellow ranunculus glow brightly, reminding me of the buttercups of my childhood; the California blue-eyed grass sparkles in the sunlight. The seedlings: one tomato plant now with perky yellow blooms; the zinnias holding promise of bright summertime colors.
And the trees. The branches of our ancient, sturdy
apricot are lined with tiny green fruit. Perhaps the most heartening news regards
my redwood tree that I’d worried about. Upon very close inspection, I
discovered tender verdant shoots among the summer-browned needles of the
redwood.
Rewards
of paying attention.
